i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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