She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
