You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
