those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
