my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
