good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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