So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We left the knife in your bed.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
