Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
