I'm so fucking centered right now
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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