Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm having to shit out rocks
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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