hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
