whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
