She is in my trunk
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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