Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
