You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
