Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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