How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
