Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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