I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
