What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
