I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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