i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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