you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
