His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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