So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
