I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
