I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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