Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
