A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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