why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
