I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
