I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If I die, sorry about rent.
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