I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
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This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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