Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
