Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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