I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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