i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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