well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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