Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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