Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it wasn't lemon gatorade
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
