The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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