i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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