Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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