he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
