my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
