The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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