I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What a dumb baby whore.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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