so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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