I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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