this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
