I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think a kid would responsible me up
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize