he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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