new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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