Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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