Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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