Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
A+ Viking dick
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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