as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
