Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
