I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
