community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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