my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
