I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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