Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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