Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
