How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
