Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
