I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
