The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
