I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
