shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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