My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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