dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
