I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
