Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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