He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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