Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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