I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
