I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
