The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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