once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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