Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
