We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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