One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
