i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
